Racing thoughts

Its been quite a while since i have used blogger. While i am fully aware that this is another in a long list of blogs, i am sure this will be put to use. My mind is becoming more disordered with each day i am trying to get better. I gave in to the laxatives last night but only took three. Today my brain is screaming fat cow and liquid fast. Two steps forward and one back. Im feeling boxed in. I need to get better. I cant keep this disorder. I cant keep not dealing with what happened last month. Flashbacks and thoughts keep flooding in. I still feel responsible deep down sigh. Plus im waiting on a period that might never come but i think it will. Hope it will. If i am pregnant im keeping it. I had the one nighter so... I have a girlfriend and i think she is amazing. We have a date tonight and i cant wait! Well hope you all are doing well. Love!